Emotional cheating (emotional infidelity) is when your partner develops nonsexual intimacy with someone other than you. Emotional cheating typically describes a situation where an individual develops a deeply intimate relationship with someone other than their partner. Even though the relationship is not sexual in nature, it still constitutes ‘cheating’ within a relationship. However, emotional infidelity means different things to different people which is why this is a topic that needs to be discussed within your relationship.
What Is an Emotional Affair?
Emotional cheating is not easily defined because it can mean different things to different people. Most people tend to have different ideas of what it means to have an emotional affair. Is it texting opposite sex co-workers? How about leaving a flirtatious comment on a friend’s social media page? Is it meeting people online and developing a ‘friendship’ with them? If you do any one of these or something similar, then you might be emotional cheating.
When an individual develops an emotional connection with someone other than their partner, it has the potential to undermine their relationship. This is because most people assume that certain types of nonphysical intimacy should only be shared with their partner and not with someone else. This is where the couple needs to define emotional cheating because what is cheating to you, may not be cheating to your mate. A misalliance in expectations could threaten and undermine the relationship.
Is An Emotional Affair Cheating?
An emotional affair is considered cheating by most; however, it depends on your relationship and the parameters you have set forth. An emotional affair involves an emotional investment and both parties are feeling the same way about one another. You can develop healthy relationship behaviors and improve your relationships. Developing a healthy relationship with your partner takes time and effort. Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners.
Warning Signs of Emotional Cheating
Over time, emotional affairs frequently proceed toward increased emotional intimacy and investment. These are warning signs that your friendship is an emotional affair.
- Anticipating spending time talking or texting or meeting alone
- Believing your friend understands you better than your partner
- Decreasing time spent with your partner
- Spending more time with your “friend”
- Giving your friend personalized or intimate gifts
- Keeping your friendship secret from your partner
- Decreased intimacy with your partner
- Thinking about your “friend” a lot more than other friends
- Sharing thoughts, problems, and feelings with your “friend” instead of or in addition to your partner
- Withdrawing from other relationships and/or your partner
Questions to Ask Yourself About Emotional Cheating
If you suspect your close friendship is deeper than just friends and crossed into an emotional affair, ask yourself the following questions:
- Are you experiencing conflict in your marriage because of this friendship?
- Do you feel emotionally distant from your partner?
- Is it difficult to talk to your partner?
- Do you find yourself reaching out to your friend more than your partner?
- Are you sharing more with your friend than your partner.
- Do you think your friend understands you better than your partner?
- Are you sexually attracted to your friend?
- Does your partner know about the depth of your friendship (texting, talking, meeting)?
- Do you avoid mentioning this friend to your partner?
If you answered yes to some or all of these questions, then you are most likely in an emotional affair or on the verge of emotionally cheating on your partner.
The Negative Impact of Emotional Cheating
Emotional cheating is serious and can lead to breaking up your relationship with your partner. Emotional cheating is showing disrespect toward your partner. Although it’s sometimes thought of as less serious than having an affair, emotional infidelity can nevertheless reveal relationship weaknesses and are a sign that your relationship with your partner needs improvement. Couples that experience emotional cheating may find that it prompts constructive dialogue about each other’s needs.
If you think you are having an emotional affair, talk to a professional mental health counselor at Sobair Mental Health Counseling and Wellness in Pittsburgh. An experienced counselor can assist you improving your relationship with your partner and yourself. Working with a professional mental health counselor can help you resolve conflict, navigate difficult conversations, and improve your relationship.